Damn

Can't stop thinking about Jon.







..................and Rich.

Secret Transparent Vagina Vibes

This must be my month for men. I go on this crazy dry spell for months and months and for some reason I have guys liking me from all different directions. I could be a wild slut and fuck them all 'cause who knows how long my next streak will be. My friend, Sarah, was the first to point that out to me. She says, "You know - when you don't have sex, you don't have sex for a long time. But when you do make out with someone.....seems like 6-7 guys all like you at the same time.......and REALLY WANT you badly."

Let's see.......I have Dave, Kevin, Scott, Jamie, and Eric wanting to get with me. Holland wants to see me in NY, Phil wants me back, and Rich and Jon have been trying to make plans to see me. Rich is coming somewhere in July and Jon said that if I pay for my ticket out to Hawaii........then he got the hotel.....car....and everything else. Damn! I must be sending secret transparent vagina vibes to penises around the country. That's so cool. Now who am I going to sleep with first. Hmmmmmm......It's been a while, ya know. I'm going through withdrawals.

Anyways.........out of all of them.......I'm most attracted to Eric. Rich has my heart but I'm most fascinated with Jon. What can a girl do in this situation? I better act now before no one likes me for a long time and my vagina starts collecting cobwebs again.




Man for Every Meal

Rich, Jon, Holland, and Phil
A different man for every meal

One Latino, one Asian, Two White
I’ll savor all flavors with every bite

Rich for breakfast
To start off my day

Jon for lunch
With a spicy sauté

Then Phil for Dinner
After we swim in the pool

Maybe Holland for dessert
If I’m not too full

Too many men might cause me to vomit
Maybe it’s safer just to go on a diet!




(I've used this quote before but it's truly one of my favorites)

"There she lusted after her lovers whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emissions were like those of horses."

- Ezekiel 23:20

(Gotta love the bible!)

I'm Alive and Showered

I survived the Grand Canyon. 33 miles......can you believe that? What the hell was I thinking? Was it worth it?.......Hmmmm......sorta kinda. I mean.....yes - I felt some sort of accomplishment.......some sort of achievement.........and yes - I'm proud of myself. But never ever again will I bust my ass the way I did this weekend.
I had to hike 10 miles going down........the tips of my toes were banging against the top of my hiking boots. Then the following day I saw this beautiful waterfall called the Moony Falls and decided to hike with the rest of the guys to see the Beaver Falls. Why Oh Why didn't I just stay with the rest of the girls and lay out and relax??? NOOOOOOO......I decided that I can "hang with the guys". I faced death 3 times......rock climbed, swung from rope, fell 5 feet onto a rock, busted the back of my knee, got pricked by cactus, sliced up by thorns, hang from chains behind a muddy waterfall, lose a toenail, and panick cried. Was it worth it????? Shit! Let's just say I'd never do that again. I didn't whine though. The guys thought for sure that I'd be the whining type........but after I busted my ass........all I said was, "Shit - That Sucks!" Then moved on. Why did I think I could do a difficult hike? Yeah - the guys said I was hardcore and that I was "One Crazy Bitch". But I think I'll save my crazy bitchness for the bedroom and not out in the thorny, cactus heaven, rock climbing, bootcamp busting hike.

Then after all that I had to hike 10 miles back up IN THE RAIN!!!! Life couldn't get worse. I was the last one to reach the top because I was limping along with my 75 lbs backpack. And when I finally got there.......the group was cheering me on and I just looked at them and gave them the finger. Aaaah FUCK YOU.......WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS SO DAMN CHEERY ABOUT!!!!

Well......I'm finally home. I showered. (By the way - no showers at the campsite and the nearest porto potty was 1/4 mile) I'm going for a massage in a couple of hours. I look like shit. I have cuts and bruises all over my body. And I got my period. So I look and feel ugly inside and out. Definitely not a good time to be a woman right now. There was however, one highlight about my trip...........I did make out with the cute gym instructor. I guess Tarzan needed his Jane out there in the wilderness.........but I sure felt like Zina.



"It's one thing to be confident and know you can do it. But it's another level to be scared and do it anyway."

- Lyle Bartelt

Drunk Mule

I spent a shitload of money this week trying to get prepared for my big weekend. I'm going backpacking down the Grand Canyon. I can't wait!!!! I seriously blew about $800 for this trip so it better be worth it. I've seen the Grand Canyon about 7 times already....so much that I can be a damn tour guide. It's a beautiful hole in the ground. But, I've never hiked down. I dunno. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. Lately I've been having nightmares. I had one nightmare that there was 3 scorpions about to attack me in my tent. Oh - and they ran so fast! Yuck! Another dream was that I was outcasted from the group. I got in trouble for getting my mule drunk........so the group got mad at me and shipped me off blindfolded on my drunk mule.......kinda like Mad Max Beyhond Thunderdome. And, the latest dream I had was a rock falling on me. And I didnt want to cut my arm off (like that guy from Utah) and I was scared that if I did.........no man would go for me and that I'd never have sex again.

Anyways........so that's what runs through my mind when I close my eyes at night. Pretty intense and cracked out. I just hope nothing happens to me or my drunk mule. One thing I am looking forward to is that cute gym instructor that is coming with us on our trip. Hmmmmm..........you never know what's going to happen when you're out in the wild.




"Adventure is nothing but a romantic name for trouble."

- Louis L'Armour

A Call From Brandy

I talked to Brandy today. What a surprise that was to hear from her. We touched base on a lot of things and reminisced about times in SF. The conversation was a bit depressing though. I told her why I left and then in return, she told me about all the people that were kinda going through the path I went down. "This one is in rehab, that one is strung out, no one has heard from so and so, even my boyfriend is going through some shit right now." I told her that I failed SF and that I was disappointed that I left so abruptly. And, that here and there I cry over why I'm here stuck in AZ.

Good things have come to me living here........like I'm back in school, I have a full-time job and still I am being offered more job opportunities, and I'm totally clean. Being a pothead for 14 yrs...........wow - what a transition. But the bad equals out as well - I'm 30 stuck living with Mom, it's boring here, not crazy about the people, and everyone, everything, and every bar looks the damn same. People claim that this place is a melting pot.........BULLSHIT! Wanna see melting pot? Go to NY or SF.......that's where my heart is. I want to take off again. I want to live somewhere else but not sure where. People want me back home in Jersey......the landscapes and my brother are calling me back to CA..........and my curiosity is calling me to Hawaii. But I'm so responsible now and if I leave AZ........what path am I going to take? This sucks. What should I do?



"If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again. Then use a stunt double."

- Arnold Schwarzenegger


"If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence that you tried."

- David Brent

You Like Suck Dick Big?

Lately I've been getting annoyed with horny guys online. Everytime I go into a chatroom I meet at least 10 horny guys. It's not that I don't get horny.......but I'm so sick and tired of answering the same questions:

What are you wearing?
Are you horny?
How big are your tits?
Do you like to suck cock?
Are you bi?
What was the kinkiest thing you've ever done?
Do you masturbate?

Now......all are good questions but how can one girl answer these questions over and over and over and over and over again? I've tried cybering here and there but what an inconvenience that is. I go to touch myself.........then I have to type about it........use only certain dry fingers.........touch myself again........all I'm writing is, "MMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm"............then lie and say I came. It was fun the first few times but now I can't stand it.

What's entertaining is the foreign guys who try to talk dirty. They say shit like:

You like suck dick big?
My cock is 24 cm
You like cock big in pussy of yours?
Ass fuck with you will I do
I will let you get wet with nice pussy with me
You suck big cock for me, no?
Open the leg and finger pussy.......are you wet?

(TIP: Now say that again with your favorite foreign accent)

Chat rooms.......I don't even know why I bother sometimes. Once in a blue you will meet a cool person with humor and personality. And, yeah.......I talk about sex.......but I think these chat rooms are getting way out of hand. Another thing that sucks is going into the 30's chat room then some 18 yr old IM's me and says........"I love older women. Maybe you can teach me a few things. I'm really mature for my age." I'm not here to teach, kid.

I will end this blog with the profile that is listed on my AOL screen name:


30 f AZ............but Jersey Girl at heart

Don't ask me if I'm horny
Most likely I am not
Don't ask me what I'm wearing
I'm not a fuckin' bot
I don't look to cyber
Been there and done that
That topic is played out
But I still like to chat
I've seen so many dick pics
And some of you are corny
But just because I see them
Doesn't mean I'm horny
Everyone loves sex
And having a good time
But I dont need to get off
Every time I'm online

"Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold on to."

Life Sucks and So Does My Vibrator

Life sucks sometimes. It's such a shitty feeling too. Ever wake up asking yourself, "Why am I here?.......What the hell am I doing?" Then you go get coffee and look at all the people on line and think......"You people are soooooo corny!" And you swear it's not you.........it's definitely THEM.

It's Arizona. I know it is. I'm losing my spark and I'm not even PMSing.

Speaking of "spark".........I broke my vibrator. I spent 80 bucks on this damn thing and I didn't even get 80 fucks! It doesn't do the hula dance for me anymore. Then on top of that......I tried to return it without a receipt and the she-male was like...."We don't take back used vibrators." I was pissed at the time but I started to laugh almost the whole car ride home. These guys in the store were looking at me and laughing in the corner. I couldn't even exchange it. Damn Anteater........it won't even eat me out anymore.

Yeah........life sucks and so does my vibrator.

Just waiting for better days to come back around. I'll look on the bright side........he may not hula but at least his nose still wiggles.



"I'm not bitter, you're just fucking stupid!"

- Unknown

"I'm a Fat Crook from New Jersey"

I don't belong here. I really don't. This is what has been bothering me lately. I'm really not crazy about AZ people at all. Who am I fooling actually believing that I can adapt and ENJOY living in the desert? I can't really describe the people but it's definitely a weird vibe. All people want to do out here is get married young. And, if they are not busy marrying each other........they are trying to hook up with each other. They are not as fake as people from California but they are definitely not fun like Cali people either. It's like these people don't know how it's like to just chill and have a good time. It's all about hooking up. At least people in CA and NY/NJ know how to just chill and enjoy each other's company. It's weird here. Everyone keeps saying.........well go to Tempe - it's party central out there. People in Tempe are so damn corny. They are all college students that look like they shop at the same place, get their hair done at the same place, all the bars are the same, and everyone acts the same. No originality whatsoever. Besides - if you are 30......the chances are out here that you are already married.

I want to go back to CA but maybe not San Francisco. I loved CA but I felt like people only live for the moment out there. Almost like people can't hold friendships for more than a few months........few weeks even. Over there is the opposite problem I noticed. Instead of people marrying young out there.........I find that they have difficulty marrying at all. The liberal attitude is so strong and people are constantly meeting each other and talking to each other.........that people feel like no one is there type. I found that people found it hard to stay in a relationship out there. Maybe it's just San Francisco and I'm judging too hard. But to me that state has an overabundance of single people. Seems like people there can't find "their type" out there. But, that's the thing........do they really know who their type is?

Then there is my home - New Jersey and my favorite city - New York. To me that is where I connect with the people the most. The best people in the world to me come from NY. Even when I chat online........the people that I am drawn to the most are people from NY/NJ. I know that if I move back home..........I will have no problem finding someone to settle down with. But, I don't think I want that right now. After experiencing life outside of NY......I grew to love the landscapes of both CA and AZ. And, it's addicting........I just want to see more. I don't think I'm ready to move back home but it's definitely where I belong. But do I belong there anymore? This nomadic nature that I have can be really annoying. I get so wrestless staying in one place. Also........I want to be in love......but I can't find that love out West. They just don't have that New York State of mind or that sarcastic East Coast attitude that I love so much.

I'm whining and complaining........it's the desert. I don't belong here. I really don't.




"I'm a fat crook from New Jersey."

- Tony Soprano

Natural Nomadic Nature

Where is my path taking me
Where do I belong
Some decisions that I make
Can't tell if there wrong
Still stuck in Arizona
Not sure why I'm here
What's suppose to be a month
Turned out to be a year
Tried to make it out in Cali
But all I did was slack
Reminiscing on the landscapes
Makes me want to go back
My heart is still in Jersey
And the city that never sleeps
Miss the seasons and the vibes
All my family and my peeps
Always dreamed of life in Europe
For the longest time
But new dreams of Hawaii
Now occupy my mind
I think I want stablility
But all I do is flee
I stumbled on a crossroad
And not sure where I should be
This natural nomadic nature
Makes me restless in one place
Not sure which dream to follow
Or the destiny I chase

Hungover

Hungover as hell
Not sure if I smell
I feel like crap
Need to take a nap
Got hot on the phone
When I was alone
Looked like a whore
I'm a little sore
It's a brand new day
Make it go away
I don't make sense
This poem sucks
I should just shut the fuck up and go back to bed........

Drive Through the Sunset

I'll make a wish
on a shooting star
Then fill my tank
Fly in my car
In the sky
I'll meet you halfway
Somewhere in Kansas
Roll in the hay
Inflate the mattress
Feel no peas
Then turn me over
Fall on my knees
Caress my body
My wonderland
Eat Me....Drink Me
Be My Man
We'll wine and dine
and 69
Make reservations
on Cloud 9
Alas I'll meet
The Big White Guy
Drive through the sunset
in the sky
My wish is YOU
Sweep me away
Someday we'll meet
One day.....Someday

Dimples and Handcuffs

I flirted with a cop today and I HATE cops. I was in my car with my dog and then an old Guns N Roses song came on (Paradise City) and I haven't heard that song in a really really long time. So I blasted it and sang........no screamed all the words in my car. (Now you know my age starts to show when I know the words from songs with guys with long hair) So, then I'm stuck at a light and then this cop car pulls next to me and looks over and catches me singing. He starts to laugh a bit and I was embarrassed at first. But then I see that he's kinda cute so then I look over and sang to him for a quick second and start bopping my head. Then I blew him a kiss and made my dog wave at him. Then I drove off.

Next thing you know........he puts on that siren thingymajiggy and pulls me over. I asked him if it was against the law to sing in my car. Then he goes......That song YES! HA!HA! Niko couldn't stop barking at him. So, I told him that my dog hates cops and so did I. He asked why and I told him because a lot of them were assholes. He still asked me for my number and I gave it to him. It must've been the dimples. Well.....that was kinda the highlight of my day.......a COP! Can you believe it?!!

Anyways......I sing in my car all the time. How could you not? I know I look like an ass sometimes but who the hell am I impressing anyways? Life's too short to worry about what other people think about you. Besides, I love goofy people. They are so much more entertaining to me. Plus you never know if you are going to get pulled over by a cute cop with dimples AND handcuffs.



"Fools rush in where fools have been before."

- Unknown